I was having dinner this weekend with several people that I’ve known for most of my life. At several points in the conversation, we were reminiscing over the good ol’ days. The question of how to refer to me in the pre-transition past has come up several times in the past, and it came up again this time.

My personal preference is that people refer to me as Kelsie even when referring to me pre-transition. I was always who I really am even back then; I just didn’t understand the reasons behind the feelings of internal entrapped and incongruency.

Using my chosen name even in the pre-transition past generally seems acceptable to people. However, most people get tripped up when they attempt to express a quote. Example: ‘Yeah, remember that one day you were climbing that tree and you nearly fell out of it, and I yelled, “Hey <old name>, are you okay?”’. In order to say this quote and use my new name, you actually have to rewrite history, because using my new name would be saying something that isn’t what was actually said.

I don’t see a problem with making this small change, but it is definitely a very common stumbling block for other people when referring to me. It’s actually so bad that I cringe every time people start talking about the past around me because I can pretty much bet on them getting it wrong or at the very least being very awkward about it.

Some people seem to have a fundamental issue with making this change to quotes. They feel it is wrong of me to ask that they rewrite history.

There is a pretty good analogy, I feel, to this situation. Imagine that you have been placed on the Witness Protection Program. For non U.S. peoples who might not know what this is, it is a program that allows a person to immediately take on a new legal identity, permanently. It is for the protection of people that place their lives at particular risk in order to testify in court. Under this program, you definitely do not want to accidentally reveal your old identity in any situation at risk of your very life. So if you were to discuss a past experience where you quoted something somebody said that included your name, I’m betting it wouldn’t even be a question in your mind as to whether you should replace what was actually said with your new identity.

At least for me in the area I live in, being outted as transsexual in a public setting could put my very life at risk just the same! Because of this, I personally feel that the very same great care should be extended to transsexual people to use their chosen name.

Further, because humans are creatures of habit, I feel that this should be done in all places and spaces, public or private, without compromise. This will foster confidence and peace in the minds of the people that don’t want to be outted that they aren’t in a risky situation just because the past is being discussed.

Perhaps you live in an area where being outted as transsexual isn’t so fundamentally dangerous. A better analogy might be a divorced woman who finally escaped a physically abusive marriage. This woman spent years of her life being beaten into submission. After her divorce was finalized, she changed her legal name back to her maiden name. One day, she is talking with some friends, and one of them is telling a story where there is a quote that refers to her by her full married name. In this situation, referring to her by her prior married name could actually trigger the divorced woman in a very profound way. It is completely unnecessary to put her through that, and it is frankly irrelevant to get it technically correct.

This scenario is easy to relate back to the transsexual life. For most transsexual people (nearly all of the ones I know), being referred to by your old name is a very painful thing. I find it very triggering and it shoves my past in my face. It is completely unnecessary and it is frankly irrelevant to get it technically correct.